Monday, February 13, 2012

Dear Diary: Brandy Has Her Say

It's me, Brandy. Don't tell my mom that I took over her blog, but I have some major news to report. I've been tricked. I wouldn't have thought my Mom and Dad would be so devious, but it just goes to show that you never really know people, even when you sleep between them every night. Here's what happened....

They took me to this place that any fool would know is a dog pound. I'm a few years removed from the shelter life myself, but I know a shelter when I see one. Of course my first thought was about my overwhelming taste for socks. Had they had enough of rescuing their socks from my clutches? Were they turning me back in for bad behavior? And what kind of life could I expect as a non-reformed sock felon once I was back behind bars. Word on the street is that the inmates are hard on sock-nappers. I'll admit it. I was scared. There were so many smells and noises and critters. My senses were on overload. They took us into a back room. My mom, dad, sister and brother were all there, which gave me some hope. My brother would never let them turn me in for sock-napping. He loves my antics and often encourages me to be naughty. We're BFFs. I felt safe with him by my side. My sister, on the other hand, she'd turn me over in a New York minute. I kept an eye on her...

One of the shelter ladies brought a guy in on a leash. I guess he isn't what anyone would consider hideous, but he's certainly not as cute as me. He has floppy black ears and a black face, but his body looks like it was stolen from one of those big dogs who say MOO instead of WOOF. You know the ones I mean? Anyhow, so they expected me to actually PLAY with this guy, but who can be bothered? I had naps to take and socks to steal at home (weekends are great for socks because that's when they do most of the laundry). I just wanted to be back in Mom's car with my head out the window, listening to tunes on the way home. So I did what any nervous future convict would do. I ignored the guy. Mom and Dad seemed kinda disappointed. I couldn't figure out why. Here I am keeping an eye on Mom while Dad plays with the MOO dude.

The next day, Dad took me back again. Just me and him this time. No one there to look out for me except Dad, and he's been pretty firm with me on what we're calling the whole "sock issue." Rut roh... They made me play with the MOO dog AGAIN. Sniff. Whatever. I'm still not interested in him. I think I was pretty clear on the matter.

Well, you won't believe what happened yesterday! They brought the MOO dude HOME TO MY HOUSE! They walked him around MY yard and brought him into MY turf. Inside, he thought it was just fine to get up on MY sofa and sleep in MY new king-sized bed that Mom and Dad just bought for me. Harumph! Who does he think he is? Last night, he started getting frisky with me, so I showed him who's boss. We played chase around the house and then we wrestled. He's not BAD to wrestle with, but there was no doubt that I won. I pinned his skinny rump to the rug in two seconds flat. He plays a little dirty, but I can be dirty too when need be. He'd better keep his face out of MY bowl, or things are gonna get ugly around here. I'm not sure how long he's planning to stick around (I heard some horrible talk between Mom and Dad about "Brandy needing a playmate." WHAT? Brandy needs more treats, more belly rubs and more running time with Dad. Brandy does not need a playmate!) Speaking of running, Dad took me and the MOO dog on a four-mile run yesterday. Dad and I usually go further than that, but he said we had to take it easy on the new guy. Sheesh! The insults just keep on coming!

The ultimate insult was when the new dude (they called him Luigi at the pound, but there's talk of changing his name to Louie, which is a dumb name if you ask me) got all snuggly with my mom. Everyone who is anyone around here knows she is MINE. My brother and sister even know better than to get too close to her when I'm around. Mine, mine, MINE. She said the MOO dude is "snuggly." What the heck does that mean? Snuggly. Ugh. He'd better watch himself. That's all I got to say. Here he is making himself right at home... The nerve of some people's children. Mom says she will try to get a better picture of his "cute" (meaning not hideous) face today. They'll be taking him back any day now. I'm sure of it. Until then, I've got to go wrestle him into submission again. Show him who's boss around here.