Thursday, May 20, 2010

Rules of the Walk by Brandy Force, Puppy to the Stars

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 1: When approaching a sign or post and the person walking me goes left, I believe in taking the road less traveled. Always. Can someone tell me what the term "clothes-lining" means? My mom says that a lot.

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 2: If there's a choice between pooping in a private, abandoned field or dropping a smoker on a high school field next to a game in progress WHILE the groundskeeper looks on, I will always pick the crowded field because, when a girl's gotta go, a girl's gotta go. And you know, I do so love a good game. (Mom says BAD words when I do this and she has to pick it up. BAD BAD words that I can't repeat because I'm still a baby.)

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 3: They call a leash a leash. I say it's a toy to be wrestled with while walking. I have perfected a very special trick called "ass over teakettle" that is NOT to be tried at home. Only a trained professional should attempt this death-defying trick. And, I've found it's best to NOT do this trick DIRECTLY in front of Mom because, you know, she is known for tripping and falling when there's nothing in front of her, let alone a suddenly flipped 35-pound puppy who thinks the whole thing is quite funny. More bad words. Bad, bad words.

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 4: ALL people and dogs are to be greeted the Brandy way. Who is this animal control officer Mom speaks of? She expects him to be waiting for us when we get home one day. Should I be worried?

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 5: All trash encountered along the walk is to be tasted, and when necessary, transported. When you live near a high school, the trash is particularly tasty. Mom has issues with this habit, too. (She's kind of a drag, but don't tell her I said so because, you know, she feeds me and stuff.)

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 6: Roads are made to be walked in the middle of. Those big things on wheels need to get out of MY way, not the other way around. Don't they know who I AM? Some respect please.

Brandy's Walking Rule No. 7: What is a snap-on tool? Mom says her arm is not one of these things. She claims it is permanently joined to her body and she'd prefer it stay that way. Can someone please explain this concept to me cuz I got things to do and places to be. She's holding me back, man.

And here I am inspecting my recent work on the welcome mat. Rectangles are highly overrated in my humble opinion. Looks much better now, don't you think? Kind of avant garde. I think I have a future as a decorator. (Mom's sporting a jazzy toe color, isn't she?)

8 comments:

Mary G said...

I envision you on an episode of Dog Whisperer where Brandy tames Cesar instead of the other way around. That was brilliantly funny Marie.LOL

Marie Force said...

LOL Mary! Ceasar will be scratching his head saying not sure what to do with this one! I think Brandy should be a regular contributor to the blog!

Morgan Mandel said...

I remember those days!
Rascal still enjoys a good leash game!
Morgan Mandel

Marie Force said...

Thanks for stopping by, Morgan. I know I will miss her crazy antics when she grows up and settles down. For right now she is nonstop entertainment (and maintenance). LOL

Judy F said...

Great story. Tell Brandy to lighten up on mom. LOL

Sherri Browning Erwin said...

Aw, but look at that sweet Brandy face. :)

Marie Force said...

Judy,
Brandy doesn't listen to Mom! She lives to vex her mother. :-)

Sherry,
Don't let that face fool you. LOL! She is quite adorable, luckily for her. We get a big kick out of her antics, that's for sure. How can a 30-pound dog elude four people chasing it--inside the house--to retrieve one pair of socks??

Cheryl Brooks said...

Peaches can SO relate to all of these rules...